Whether you’re hoping to get hit with an arrow or running away from this little bastard, we’ve got you covered.
You started seeing cards and heart-laden decorations in stores before the Christmas trees were even down. You’ve read every listicle from every publisher about what to get your sweetheart, where to eat, what to say, what to cook, or how to celebrate anti-Valentine’s day but here you are. It’s noon, you’re trolling the Interwebs and realize you’ve read about being prepared but haven’t actually prepared anything. Fear not—just like we saved your ass for the Super Bowl, we’re gonna do the same for V-Day. Whether you’re celebrating with that special someone, mocking the day with others, or cooking happily by yourself we’ve put together some simple meal ideas to keep the effort minimal and the results maximal.
Dining Solo: the company’s good and you don’t have to argue over what to eat.
- Drink: Summer Sunset; a sweet and punchy two ingredient treat
- Appetizer: Arugula and poached egg salad; simple and delicious
- Main Course: Steakhouse burger; because nothing beats a good burger
Anti-Valentine’s Dinner: fu*k you, Hallmark. Work on making Grandparent’s Day a bigger thing.
- Drink: Mexican Snakebite; a reminder that love can be intoxicating and poisonous
- Appetizer: Warm mushroom and arugula salad; a hearty start to fill your angry void
- Main Course: Beef bacon and stilton pizza; a simple umami-laden dish that’s quick to make so you have plenty of time to complain about how much this holiday sucks
The Lovers’ Meal: gaze amorously into each others eyes and eat these heartwarming classics
- Drink: My Bloody Valentine; simple, sweet, and sexy
- Appetizer: Kale Caesar salad; a modest twist on a classic
- Main Course: Lemon roasted chicken with Brussels sprouts and mashed potatoes; comfort foods = love. Period.
Dessert: whether you’re hating or participating there’s no reason not to make the Elvis Pie.
- To make things quicker, get a store-bought graham cracker crust.
- You can also save time by using raw bananas and not baking them
- You can save even more time by slicing and frying the bacon, then tossing it in maple syrup before mixing it in the pie
