No witty caption can do justice for how good this pie is.
This pie is inspired by The King’s infamous penchant for fried peanut butter, bacon and banana sandwiches. “Wait, they’re not gonna put bacon in a dessert are they? Will they bastardize a pie just as an excuse to use the most succulent of meat candies?” Yes, yes we will and the world will be a better place for it. This will become your signature dish to bring to parties, which you can thank us for later.
Equipment Needed: Roasting Pan with Rack, 4 Mixing Bowls (or you can wash and re-use as you go), Hand Mixer or Stand Mixer, Chef’s Knife, Cutting Board, Aluminum Foil, Rolling Pin, Gallon Freezer Bag, Small Bowl or Coffee Mug, Silicone Spatula
Serving Suggestion: Individual Plating
Suggested Wine Pairing: Port, Sweeter Rieslings, Ice Wine, Dessert Wines
Suggested Beer Pairing: Chocolate or Oatmeal Stouts, Dubbel or Trippel Belgian Ales, Barley Wine
- 1/2 C dark chocolate chunks (about $6/lb)
- 1 C & 2 TBSP heavy cream, divided ($2.99/pt)
- 2 bananas ($0.79/lb)
- 1 C & 1 TBSP confectioner’s sugar, divided ($1.39/lb)
- 1 1/2 C graham crackers (this is about a sleeve of graham crackers)($4.99/14.4 oz box)
- 1 8 oz package cream cheese ($2.99/package)
- 2/3 C smooth peanut butter ($3.59/16 oz jar)
- 6 strips thick cut bacon ($6.99/lb)
- 1/3 C & 2 TBSP (7 1/3 TBSP) unsalted butter, divided ($4.99/lb)
- 1/3 C pure grade A maple syrup (about $7/8 oz)
- You’ll want to start with the crust so it has time to firm up. Take one sleeve of graham crackers and, leaving them in the package, crush them with a rolling pin or heavy can. If you’re careful and methodical about your crushing you can do a majority of it without breaking the sleeve, but save yourself from a potential mess by popping them in a gallon storage bag before you go to work.
- In a mixing bowl add the crushed grahams, and sugar. Pop the butter in a microwave-safe bowl and melt things down (this should take about 30 seconds or so). Pour the butter in with the rest of the mix and blend everything together with your hand mixer. Spoon the crust out into your pie dish and, using your hands, press it evenly across the bottom and up to the top of the rim. Pop this into the fridge for at least an hour to firm up; 2 hours or more is ideal.
Press firmly and aim for a consistent thickness for your crust.
- While your crust is setting, preheat the oven to 415°F.
- Put your bacon in a large bowl and cover it with the maple syrup. You can add a little cayenne pepper here if you want to spice things up.
- Peel the bananas, cut them in half and put them in your other mixing bowl. Put 2 tablespoons of butter in a mug or small bowl and microwave it until it’s melted (about 20 seconds). Stir in the bourbon and one tablespoon of the confectioner’s sugar with the butter and pour it over the bananas. For both your bananas and bacon, let them soak for about 15 minutes, stirring every 5 to make sure everything stays evenly coated.
Get those 'naners good and tipsy before you pop 'em in the oven.
- Line your roasting pan with tinfoil for easier cleanup and lay the bacon and bananas evenly on the rack. Put everything in the oven for 15-20 minutes, or until the bacon is crisp. Once finished, put the results in one of the mixing bowls and pop them in the fridge as well to cool. They should be cold by the time the crust is ready.
Everything about this recipe is gratuitous, even the bacon shots.
- As your other elements are chilling out you can get to work on the cream filling. In a mixing bowl add the cream cheese, peanut butter and confectioner’s sugar. With your hand mixer blend everything together until smooth.
- In a separate bowl, pour in the heavy cream and, using your hand mixer here too, whip the cream until it’s fluffy and has firm peaks. Scoop this into the peanut butter cream and mix it together until it’s fully incorporated. If you’re not ready to fill the pie yet, cover the bowl with some plastic wrap and put it in the fridge until go time.
Whip that cream 'til it's good and stiff.
- When you’re ready to assemble this cardiologists’ dream take the bananas and bacon out of the fridge and cut them into 1/8th inch pieces. Spread them evenly across the pie crust. Take your peanut butter cream and using your spatula proceed to fill in the gaps and cover everything in velvety goodness. You can quit here but why stop now?
Spread that goodness evenly and quickly before you start eating it straight from the bowl.
- In a mug or small bowl add 2 tablespoons of heavy cream or half and half and 1/2 a cup of dark chocolate chunks. Pop that in the microwave and nuke it in 20 second increments, stirring every time and repeating until it becomes smooth and fully melted. Pour it over the top of the pie and pop everything back in the fridge for about 30 minutes before serving, if you can control yourself that long.
Looks like applesauce, tastes like apple sauce with pears. Whoa!
Ok, we picked a cutesy name because it was shorter than saying apple and bosc pear sauce. Ginger and honey give this side dish standby a novel twist. Take it a step further and use apple cider instead of water for a richer flavor.
Equipment Needed: 3 QT Pot, Potato Masher, Wooden Spoon, Vegetable Peeler, Chef’s Knife, Cutting Board, Immersion Blender (optional)
Serving Suggestion: Family Style
Suggested Wine Pairing: Chardonnay, Viognier
Suggested Beer Pairing: Pilsner, Lager, Hard Cider if you want a fruit overload
- 3 lbs apples (about $1.50/lb)
- 4 medium bosc pears ($1.99/lb)
- 1/4 C water (free)
- 1 TBSP light brown sugar ($1.39/lb)
- 2 TSP ground cinnamon ($3/2.4 oz jar)
- 1-2 TBSP ground ginger ($3.39/2 oz jar)
- 1-2 TBSP honey ($3.99/12 oz)
- Peel the apples and pears. Scoop out the core of the pears with a spoon and cube them into 1/4 inch pieces.
If you've got a corer you can use that but a spoon works just as well.
- Cut the sides of the apples away from the cores and cube them into 1/4 inch pieces too.
- Toss all the fruit into the pot and put it over medium-low heat. Add the water and stir occasionally. After about 5 minutes toss in the brown sugar, cinnamon, 1 TBSP of ginger and 1 TBSP of honey. Stir again and cook down for another 15 minutes.
Ginger gives the sauce a slightly spicy yet harmonious flavor.
- At this point you should be able to mash things down a bit. Squish what you can, give it another stir and keep cooking. Continue to mash everything once every 5 minutes until it’s no longer chunky. Season to taste with more cinnamon, honey and ginger. If you have an immersion blender stick it in there to smooth things out a bit, otherwise cool, serve and call it rustic-style.
This is a good dish to make if you've had a tough day at work. The harder you mash the better it gets.
Stop licking the screen! But seriously, they're as good as they look.
You’ll have to excuse the shoddy camera work (we were stranded without a camera and had to use Jake’s phone) but the results will be worth more than a thousand words. This simple recipe takes about 20 minutes from prep to plate and is the perfect way to finish any BBQ.
Equipment Needed: Grill, Microwave, Tongs, Basting Brush, Baking Pan, Mug or Bowl, Chef’s Knife, Cutting Board, Spoon
Serving Suggestion: Family Style or Individual Plating (depending on how long you can keep people away from the grill)
Servings: 6-12, depending on how hungry people are
Suggested Wine Pairing: Viognier, Riesling, Chardonnay, Sparkling White or Rosé Wine
Suggested Beer Pairing: Lambic, Fruit Ale, Chocolate Stout, Barley Wine
- 6 large peaches ($2.99/lb)
- 3 TBSP butter ($4.99/lb)
- 1/2 C grade A maple syrup (about $7/8 oz)
- 2-3 TBSP brown sugar ($1.39/lb)
- Turn your grill to medium-low heat (or let the charcoal burn down thoroughly; you should be able to hold your hand over the grill for about 3 seconds before it hurts).
- Gently rub the fuzz off the skin of your peaches under running cold water. Cut each peach in half and take the pit out using either a spoon or your knife. Sprinkle the flesh side (as opposed to the skin side) of each half with brown sugar and let them sit for a few minutes in your baking pan.
- Put the butter and maple syrup in your bowl or mug and pop it in the microwave for about 30 seconds or until everything’s melted. Mix thoroughly and coat each halve entirely with the magic sauce. Put them on the grill and turn them every 3 minutes, reapplying the syrup mix each time. It’ll take you about 4 turns before they’re nicely charred and cooked throughout.
This is one of the few times it's ok to turn something more than once on the grill. Be liberal with your basting.
- Serve with whipped cream, vanilla ice cream or plain. If you’re feeling adventurous add a sprinkle of sea salt or a little drizzle of balsamic vinegar.
Sweet, a little tart and goes well with everything. Just like us.
You may be asking, “what the f**k is a compote,” to which we’d say if you weren’t such a potty mouth we’d tell you. Wikipedia defines a compote as “a dessert originating from 17th century England made of whole or pieces of fruit in sugar syrup.” We define it as an easy and most excellent way to top ice cream, yogurt, bread, scones, muffins, or anything else that needs a sweet and tart kick in the junk. Your best bet for rhubarb is your local farmers’ market or co-op; it’s a little harder to find in grocery stores. The recipe takes just 4 ingredients and about 20 minutes to make so you’re only denying yourself if you don’t try it.
Equipment Needed: 2 or 3 QT Pot, Cutting Board, Chef’s Knife, Wooden Spoon, Tablespoon (or you can eyeball it)
Serving Suggestion: As we mentioned above, it’s good on most breakfast foods or desserts. You won’t know until you try.
Servings: Varies depending on how much self-control you and your companions have
Suggested Wine Paring: Fruity whites, Champagne or Sparkling Wine
Suggested Beer Pairing: This is the only time you’ll hear us say this: you shouldn’t drink beer when eating this. If you must, choose something like a Lindemans lambic or other fruit infused beer to keep things on the sweeter side (Ithaca Apricot Wheat comes to mind)
- 4 C rhubarb (price varies, but expect something around $3/lb)
- 1 C strawberries ($3.99/lb)
- 2 1/2 TBSP sugar ($2.39/2 lb box)
- 1/2 TBSP butter ($4.99/lb)
- Wash all of your fruit thoroughly, especially if it’s not farm fresh or organic (seriously, the regular stuff in the grocery store has more chemicals on it than you probably want to know).
- Cut the leaves and stems of the strawberries (natch) and dice them into tiny pieces. The smaller they are the faster they’ll cook down.
Tiny pieces make for faster cooking time.
- Take the ends off of your rhubarb stalks and dice them like you would a piece of celery (aka, 1/4 inch slices).
(Insert witty rhubarb caption here)
- Put your pot over the lowest heat you can get on your stove and melt the butter. Add the fruit and sugar and cook until it has the consistency of oatmeal (about 15-20 minutes). Stir occasionally and use the spoon to mash up any pieces that remain whole; add more sugar if you like it sweeter.
Sweeten the deal a bit.
- Once it’s cooked down, transfer to another vessel (bowl, plastic ware, hollowed-out gourd) and let it cool before serving.